Friday 21 December 2012

Blue Christmas... Getting Whiter!!


At this time of year almost everyone is getting into the festive mood over Christmas but spare a thought for those people who really do find this a hard time of year for many reasons….

I am just one of them.. whilst my issues are not anywhere near as bad as lot of others I do struggle!! I attended Blue Christmas at my church for the 3rd year running. Which is a service to help deal with issues for those struggling and help us to place all of our issues at the foot of the cross.. It’s a slow process but it is helping..

During prayer on that service in 2012 I felt it upon me to write my “story” down so that others may gain something from this and seek to find a peace within themselves from God that only realising you are not alone thought this all..

I also want to make it VERY clear that I am not laying blame on what happened at anyones door except Satan… I know after many years of the real reasons behind what happened and why!

At the age of 4 my father was involved in a serious accident which left him in a wheel chair and badly brain damaged. It also meant that my mother was not able to care for him at home with me being a little child as well. The demands on her were huge.. It took me many years to grow up and see this and respect that it must have been really difficult to deal with and make decisions.

Growing up was not easy and as my mum did her best, again, something I did not realise till I grew up and saw the bigger picture.

Christmas was never a time to remember for me growing up and not as the “normal” way of things that everyone was making it out to be.. I never really bothered much about it at all..

The only real memory I have of Christmas growing up was at the age of 11 I think when we were really in a bad way with money that my mum had to go down to the local salvation army and see if they were giving toys away.. I held this so close to me for many years and still do.. It must have been a heartbreaking thing to do and be in but I totally respect my mother for this.. I wanted to make it special for her as well on this one year so I saved my pocket money and found money on the floor at the local ice cream parlour. Walked down the high street to the local Woolworths and bought 4 plastic cups. Nothing special but it was all I could do. I do not even remembering wrapping them but giving them to her meant a lot.

Through teens the story was the same, Christmas never really meat a lot and it was all about what presents I would get and that was about it. I was not a Christian, did not go to church at all, you could not drag me into one!!

Many many years all I really wanted for Chrsitmas was to be with my dad or have him with me… I do know this is the reason why I have issues at Christmas time and even more now that he has passed away and I have a huge hole inside of me which I am trying to deal with!!

Adulthood, 20-29 was the same which it was just another day…

I can still see why my mother does not really “do” Christmas….

The pain has only really come up and ive been able to see it since I was 18ish… I had 2 things in life that I wanted and one was to spend one of my birthdays with my dad and the other was a christmas day with him.. I was really blessed to have my birthday one forfilled before he passed away and it was a day I shall hold so dearly…

We are told that Christmas is a family time.. where all the family gather around and are happy,.. well this is part of the pain for me as it felt like it was being rammed down my throat everywhere I was looking when I was growing up. As an adult, before I met my wife, I just hid it all and kept myself away from society and whenever it came on tv I just rubbished the idea… now I have family I cant be the same..

The pain is like a huge amount of hurt is building and all I want to do it hide and be in tears and I am sure that I am not alone in this feeling and I know there are many out there who are worse than I am..

At times I can only imagine what it would be like to have him around and the huge enjoyment I would get from it… it fills me with tears when I know I wont be able to have this lived out.. I miss him dearly…

I have struggled being an adult and accepting that this will never happen now and no matter what others do it will never be the same for me..

Over the last few years since I now have a wonderful wife and family and since becoming a Christian I can see a way of dealing with this and hopefully/prayerfully one day soon this pain will be removed and I shall be able to deal with Christmas in a way that my family can enjoy it with me and I with them… I have only been a Christian for since 2008ish….

Going to blue Christmas at church over last 3 years has helped as it is really apparent to me that I have to open this wound and allow God to heal it and this is the only way it shall be done.. much praying and crying at these services and only in opening myself to God I have managed to get to this place…

I still have a way to go but with any problem the knowing of where/who is the root cause of things is the first step to dealing with it all and as Satan is the root of all evil I know that it was not God that caused this to happen to me and my family when I was little..

I wont lie and say that it’s a easy road to walk down in the road of healing but it’s the only way I can get through this and regain some sort of normality to Christmas and show my kids and wife that God is real and the true spirit of Christmas can work miracles.

I now have a few reasons to get over this and they are my wife, children and grandchildren… they are amazing and how they have put up with me during these years being the grump I am I have no idea.. I am truly blessed…

It is something that cant be done alone.. It takes God, a lot of prayer, family and those in the church who God has placed near me to help (such as Blue Christmas).. So I can only encourage you if you find this time of year a struggle to get yourself to a local church who do a Christmas service like ours does or to speak to someone with in the church to get prayer..

If you are not a church going type person… I really do encourage you to go and ask for help.. if they do not help you find another one!! I pray for all of you that have problems at this time of year and that I see you on the road of healing to walk with you!!! Remember you are never alone!!!

Peace and blessings to you

Monday 5 November 2012

Why should we have a Mens Group?




Mens group should be like a biker gang in some aspects, I’m not suggesting that we all must be bike riders, drink and carry on in that respect. But I do think the brother hood bonding is something we need to look at and have among us.
We, like Jesus, have to be there for each other in all aspects of life. I know we cant be like the disciples that followed Jesus in that we live, eat and sleep as a group but we can still show each other the love, respect and have a bonding that is more than just friends but like family!!
Why should we feel bad about picking up the phone and texting/calling one of our brothers to just have a chat over things or to ask for prayer? This is something that the things of this world has installed in us since we were kids!! Let us break free of this junk and move on to be more like Jesus in all that we say and do.
We need to understand that when we pray for help with our issues that God might have already put the answer infront of us already, Our brothers!!
It is something I do struggle with and I know that there are plenty of men who do as well… speaking to anyone about “feelings” but we do need to.. We are not pressure cookers that we can sustain a huge amount of pressure within and then release in a safe way, we more than often go bang in an unsafe way such as depression or even in a physical way or a worse case even taking our own life!! Yes it does happen!! Lets not bury our head in the sand on this and admit that we are not perfect and actually do something about it. Do not feel like this is admitting weakness but a sign of strength of the Lord within us to admit we are broken and do need help. We say that we will allow God within us but when we ask Him for help we ignore those around us that He has placed there!!
Its not just a time or need we should be able to rely on each other but in times of joy as well.. So we should let each other know God has blessed us, not in a “bragging” way but we should be telling others on our blessings so we are not just talking about the things thrown at us by Satan.. We should always rejoice in all occasions but the feeling that when things hit the fan that a brother is there for us means we are not an island stranded!! Satan wants to tell us that we are like Robinson Crusoe without his man Friday!!
Something was mentioned in a sermon I was listening to early 2012 where we as a family should be sharing things more. The example was a screw driver, if someone from the church needed a screw driver and instead of going out and buying one they should be able to see if someone has one they can use and return. Simple example but if you expand this onto the rest of your life we will be a closer family and stronger to deal with the stuff that Satan throws at us. It also presents the Light of Jesus coming from us to others that see and hear of how we are.
Mens group should also look at doing things as well as reading scripture and discussing life issues with each other, we should be looking at doing things to help other members of the family within the church such as the elderly who need something like gardening done or something as simple as that!! General work around the church as well should be looked into by the mens group. Really anything that we can do together to get us bonding and being constructive!!
Yes reading Scripture is a very important thing to have being a Christian in any part of our lives but we also must be active and welcoming too.. Bonding is a huge issue to deal with as mentioned earlier!
Also we should be taking mens group out of the church building and into the community. So for example sitting in the pub reading, praying and discussing the Word and life in general and there are many other places this can be done, such as a ten pin bowling centre or a coffee shop! Why should be limit mens group to being in the church building?!?! Take mens group out of the church should be something we look deeply into.. Others will may look a little strangely at us because of this but through our discussion and our mannerisms the Word will burn something into their mind and bounce about how we are! Every opportunity we are around those who are not Christians through words, actions etc we etch something within them. This seed can be watered and eventually harvested by other Christians as well!!
I do see that every church is different as to what the men within it require at that time so you do need to look and pray into this more.. but I will say strongly that you DO need a mens group. Somewhere that men can get help and discuss things.
There is plenty of material that you can use to get the mens group started or you can pick a subject from the Bible such as “How a man should be”.
We should also look at how we should be as husbands and dads as well. As we are the head of the house hold we should look to provide a sound guidance to our family but we should always tread carefully not to overpower and take advantage of our wife or children. Firm but fair as God is with us is how we should be. Yes I realise this is not always the case as we should be humble enough to admit our mistakes/failings to them. 
Listening to the walks of the other men who have been there and done that is so very beneficial to each and every one of us.. Not just so we can see that we are not the only person to have had something like this happen but to also help guide us through it and pray for us.
I know this all first hand!! Being a Christian for only 4-5 years, when I wrote this, and having so much thrown at me by Satan, such as depression. I was not really the sort of man to ask for help and was ashamed to mention something like this to anyone incase of being tarred with a brush so people stayed away from me. What I did learn is that many others within the church had/have been through depression and it was such a weight off my shoulders I had someone to talk to and they knew what I was going through with this illness..  It is only when we ask for help and accept it that things will improve. God placed all of us within the church that we are at for a reason!! If we choose to ignore this then we are slapping God in the face when we pray for help and He has placed those around us.  I know I have said it before but it is important!! Satan WILL attempt to divide us but if we are strong together in the Lord then we cannot be broken!!
Its not something that can be done over night and I know that family does not always get on with each other but we need to see the bigger picture. God is our Father, the head of the “gang”.. Jesus is like the main man we have who walks with us in all we do..